My main takeaway is that the movie isn't bad. The title sequence oozes fun, with the rest of the fight scenes and their semi-diegetic music (Can anything be non-diegetic with Deadpool? Where's the line?) following suit. It's infinitely more of a "movie" than Deadpool (2016). That can be a good or a bad thing, depending on who you are--I like the toe-the-line jokes being broken up by moments of genuine emotion. Like most superhero movies, it suffers a little from the beginning exposition, but they manage to make it entertaining and well-shot, unlike the first 60 fucking minutes of Deadpool. You'd think they would've perfected the art of the origin story after making this many of them.
So what's the problem? One word: Cassandra. The movie decides from the beginning that it's going to be nostalgia bait, and to my surprise, they do it rather tastefully. Once you commit, however, it's hard for the audience to care about the new characters the writers pull out of their ass to further the plot. Comic books thrive on convoluted plots and retcons. Experimenting with ideas has little to no weight and is even encouraged by audiences. Movies are finite, taking more time and money for a denser product, so treating characters in the same way is irresponsible. Why dredge up a 2001 Grant Morrison creation when she'll never have a narrative resolution?
The character design pales in comparison to almost everyone else on screen. Her outfit is simply layered and monochrome, with no visual interest (i.e. wrinkles) on her face, unlike her comic counterpart. The writers seem too timid to commit to their idea, so we're left watching a villain that feels more fit for a student film than a 200-million-dollar production. Like many modern superhero movies, characters have to be palatable; even when they're trying to commit genocide, they need a mani-pedi and a ten-step skin routine.
If the script was given the revisions it deserved, Cassandra would have been cut out entirely. It seems that somewhere along the way, people forgot that movies aren't supposed to be over 2 hours, and began to see it as a point of pride. Your movie's bloated. Cut the filler and get over it.
As much as I'd like to get rid of the Void and just watch Deadpool and Wolverine fumble around Earth navigating their friendship, I realize that that would be a completely new movie rather than a revised one, so I'm willing to compromise. Instead, I would take Cassandra's role and give it to Laura (or X-23 if you're a nerd, and let's face it, you are). Look at it this way: she watched her mentor/father figure die and was immediately thrown into an empty hellscape. Unlike Cassandra, she has no way to escape, so it's not hard to believe that she became overwhelmed and started lashing out at the people she sees as threats.
With Dr. Strange's ring, Cassandra's powers are irrelevant to the plot. Laura would have the resources to get the dynamic duo out of the Void, and after a couple of heart-to-hearts with Logan, the motivation. She would selflessly sacrifice herself for them, mirroring Logan's death in Logan (2017), made all the more touching when she's brought back to the real world and co-parented by Deadpool's collection of misfit toys.
When it comes to the universe-killing machine, it would be pretty simple to have Matthew Macfadyen step up and show his darker side. Deadpool and Wolverine make it out, so his plan has to be accelerated, and he tries (and dies) in the same way that Cassandra did. Everything's wrapped up with a nice little bow, ideally cutting the runtime down to a cool 105 minutes. If it were a perfect world, there would be fewer "woke culture" jokes, but I don't know what else I expected from a Deadpool movie. No matter what, they put Channing Tatum on the big screen making incomprehensible acting choices, and I commend them for that. The sadsack Ben Affleck reference was just the cherry on top.
Rating: ★★★
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