How to Be "Buddies"

1. a home-cooked meal: It's been a long day, but not long enough to turn down company. You spent hours (or minutes) in front of the stove (or microwave), but anything would be worth it for this. After eating, you can move to the couch and throw on a movie and try not to stare whenever they laugh at a joke you've told a million times before, eyes crinkling and hand moving to stifle their smile and--and you can look back at the screen to realize you missed a plot point (or ten). You can feel nauseous when you decide that you don't care.

2. a close group of friends: When you get stuck in a train of thought, sometimes you need someone else calling you out on it to keep moving. They can see that indecision is eating you up, and unless you say something, you'll never have peace of mind. If it doesn't work out, then at least you know. You can stop trying. They say that it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, right? Is it the same when you never had it in the first place?

3. a good night's sleep: Every decision becomes clearer once you sleep on it. Slip under the covers and close your eyes and count sheep until your dreams take you somewhere better: one... two... sixty three... one hundred and eighty nine... Don't worry, it'll only take a couple more minutes. If you don't move a muscle, your body will fall asleep on its own. That's a fact. Then your mind will be blank, and you won't notice how the other side of the bed is cold instead of warm, neat instead of rumpled, empty instead of full. If you do, at least it won't feel as real in the morning.

4. a meaningful gesture: When you say something, it's final. If you show little bits of affection in everything you do, then they'll know what it means if they feel the same way, and they can take the first step. The first-and-a-half step, really, since you put this whole thing in motion. Hold doors and pull out chairs and walk a little too close together. If you can't remember what the baseline is, then err on the side of caution. If they fear you're pulling away, and they really want you, they'll reach out anyway.

5. a deep conversation: Say it. Look them in the eye and open your mouth and stop staring. They look worried when you show up at their door in the middle of the night, but you have to act while you have the courage. Sit them down, reach for their hand, and abort the movement at the last second. You need to know. Best case scenario, they tell you they've always felt the same way, and they didn't know how to say it. You live happily ever after. Worst case, they look at you like you've grown two heads and pat you on the back and say I love you, just not like that. The two of you still text, just not as often. They stop coming over to eat your food and watch your movies. They stop laughing at the jokes you've told a million times. Which one is more likely? Tell them you forgot what you were going to say. You had too much to drink. You'll see them tomorrow.

6. something more: